Bell: Yay, the smack van's coming. Sells ice cream in the day and heroin at night. No joke.
Jonfen: STILL FUNNY.
Bell: WELCOME TO GLASGOW. WHERE STABBING AND HOSPITALITY GO HAND IN HAND.
Jonfen: ONE HAND FOR STABBING. ONE FOR SHAKING SO WE GET A CLEAN SHOT AT YOUR KIDNEYS.

Jonfen: Why is there no post on weekends?!
Bell: I do not know.
Jonfen: "No, people don't want letters on weekends. When they're at home. And have time to read or receive them."
Bell: I think God wanted it that way.
Jonfen: Then God must die. (...) Get me Nietzsche.

Jonfen: Jag hatar att baka. Kan jag inte få programmera bullar istället? Kan skriva ut några snabel-a:n.

Jonfen: There's cute girls in my house. It's depressing! One of them rides a scooter. And a CAT!
Bell: She rides a cat?
Jonfen: Yes. SHE IS FREJA, A GODDESS. Na, syftningsfel.
Bell: Why don't you... put a plate of milk outside your door and the girls will be lured in?
Jonfen: Would it work on you?
Bell: Of course! Don't be absurd! If not, you'll have a cat?
Jonfen: A cat is fine too.

Bell is disappointed at herself for starting to use the expression "änna" seriously.
Bell: You start out in good fun and then it sticks.
Jonfen: Like STD's.

Jonfen: "Sluta jag blir kåt" är också bästa sättet att få någon att sluta kittla, nypa eller slå dig.

Jonfen: Intuflow, kanske!
Bell: Fan vad alla ska göra saker då.
Jonfen: (argt) I'll do you!

Exina: Men det är hot girls.
Jonfen: Mm.
Exina: Som skakar på rumporna.
Jonfen: YOU THINK I MISSED THAT?!

The Prisoner, episode 14: Living in Harmony.
Bell: Who wrote this episode?!
Jonfen: Su·bhu·ti·what·did·you·write?!
Bell: Can·you·pass·this·off·for·qua·li·ty·te·le·vi·sion?
Jonfen: No·world·honoured·one!
Bell: WHY?
Jonfen: Be·cause·qua·li·ty·te·le·vi·sion·is·not·qua·li·ty·te·le·vi·sion!

Jonfen: You should read När Änglar Dör too. Swedish book. Skitbillig. It's good as hell despite being in Swedish.
Bell: It's on my bucket list.
Jonfen: I have a suggestion for improvement.
Bell: Whut is't?
Jonfen: REMOVE ALL BOOKS NOT PROPOSED BY ME.

Bell: Oh, I love this comment. "It is a known proven mathematical fact that the meat industry supports terrorism against vegetarians. It steals their property and money by forcing them to pay for the meat industry's corporate welfare."
Jonfen: GODDAMNIT STOP SMOKING YOUR CLOTHES.

Jonfen: Hug me, I'm fat!
Bell: I'm too busy eating cake!

Jonfen: Varför heter det ek-orrar? Orrar är ju en jävla fågel! Hur fan har de tänkt?!

Jonfen: Mustasch plus skägg är lika med högre lön. Get on it, woman!

Twilight.
Jonfen: "Who are those horrible pale creatures over there?" "Why, those are my vampires!" "TELL THEM I HATE THEM!"

Jonfen: I've come up with a new drink: Genocider.
Bell: Brilliant! (...) I'd love it if that was just carbonated blood.

Jonfen: När jag blir pensionär ska jag göra rasistiska broderier.

Jonfen: You are a heavy-weight champion of mimes! Mime-weight, that is. So it doesn't really exist.

Jonfen: I read something interesting in the newspaper last Friday. Last Tuesday, the Russians sent a man into space!
Bell: Really!
Jonfen: And still no leads on the Kennedy murder.
Bell: Old news.
Jonfen: Well, yes. I work in a library, sort of.

As a traveller, you come upon a crossroads. One way leads to your destination, the other does not. By the crossroads stand two men, one of whom can only tell the truth, and the other only lies. You do not know which one is which, and you are only allowed to ask one of them one question.
Jonfen: I'd ask "Are you a small, purple lizard?" Not only is it a non-bullshit solution. It's also completely insane.
Bell: Why ask them anything? I'd threaten them with a rock.