During the £250 prize draw at the pub quiz.
Bell: Oh my god, what if they win?
Rachael: (light-heartedly) Then we rob them on the way out.

In the sun in Kelvingrove Park.
Clare: This is nice.
Rachael: Yeah, it's nice if you can lie down.
Clare: Why don't you lie down?
Rachael: I can't.
Clare: Why not?
Rachael: 'Cos I don't bend that way.

Clare: (staring at her Fanta bottle) Did I open this earlier?
Bell: You probably did.
Rachael: No, I opened it, I reached into your mind.
Bell: She mind-probed you. You shouldn't do that, Rachael, it's violating her integrity.
Rachael: Eh, I'm God, I can do whatever the fuck I want?

Another Red Nose Day pop video comes on.
Bell: Well, this is a bit shit.
Rachael: You can't say that, it's for charity..!
Bell: I can say whatever I please; I donated £5 to Japan today.

Bell's advisor of studies.
Bell: He's read Hamlet in Persian. I'm quite impressed by that.
Rachael: Well I read your face in English and it's not pretty.

Rachael: Have you got a bit of Irish in ya?
Cakie: ... Why, would you like some..?

Clare is hyperactive.
Rachael: Clare, are you all right?
Bell: Did you have nuts? You eat nuts, you are nuts. You are what you eat.
Rachael: You're a bit chilly. And a bit of meat. Con carne. (...) I'm a bit tuna-y.

Rachael: We should just get some Cillit-Bang and spray it all over Fabienne. Bang! and the dirt is gone.

Clare: The money was technically never mine because my parents gave it to me.
Rachael: Yeah, but giving is giving and taking is, well, wrong.

Bell is eating a chocolate muffin. Rachael is eating satsumas.
Rachael: Would you like a bit of orange with your muffin?
Bell: (rubbing her stomach) No, I've already got one in my stomach.
Rachael: I thought you were going to say you were preggers there for a moment.
Bell: No, you can't have little oranges when you're pregnant. You'll get midget children.

Bell: Did you know there is a person who claims Rice Krispies have a language and they've been trying to map that language?
Rachael: Is that person you?

Bell: Do you know what you're supposed to do if you're being chased by a crocodile?
Rachael: Stop, drop and roll?

Bell is quite ill.
Rachael: You all right?
Bell: (sniffles)
Rachael: Have we got a bit of a cold?
Bell: Yeah...
Rachael: Have you tried mixing lemon and honey in hot water?
Bell: I don't have any honey.
Rachael: Honey's cheap. You could buy some.
Bell: Mm.
Rachael: Or you could find a bee and follow it back to its lair and steal some.

Rachael is chopping onion.
Rachael: Oh, fuck my eyes!
Bell: (drowsily) ... Really..?

"Quid me nutrit, me destruit."
Clare: It basically means "the thing which nourishes me, destroys me".
Rachael: You mean like beef burgers.

Rachael: They're always telling you to "trust in Jesus". But I figure trust is earned, and what has Jesus ever done to earn my trust?

Rachael: See you at eight forty-five, as per usual? As per's?

Bell: This plan is waterproof.
Rachael: You mean watertight.
Bell: No, waterproof. 'Cause I'm approaching it from the outside.