We're queueing outside a gig when suddenly there is a mass-scream from the audience inside.
Girl in front of us: They must have all seen a ghost at the same time.

Mother: What do you think would be a good name for a camel?
Boy, ~12: (without looking up from his iPhone) "A person that used to be in the desert but now I haven't seen them anywhere".

Overheard outside an English Language exam.
Girl: (fretfully) He doesn't like people that split infinitives..!

A group of passers-by are presumably talking about IQ.
Girl: No, if you're at a hundred it means you're a functioning human being. So basically everyone except Stuart.

Overheard on the train to Edinburgh.
Guy: (on the phone) Well, apparently, he only had one minute of protected time with her, if you know what I mean? (...) No, he just took it off..! Apparently he didn't like the feel of it. (...) Yeah, [name] was like, "You might as well have stuck your penis in a jar of chlamydia 'cos at least then you'd know which STI you were getting.

Two passing guys seem to be discussing religion.
Guy: I reckon we'll all be lined up on the Day of Judgement. And us Jews will have fast-pass tickets. Like a rollercoaster.

The SRC elections are up and going. A girl is trying to hand a guy a candidate flyer.
Guy: I don't want any more flyers, I've got too many flyers. I just throw them away anyway.
Girl: Okay. Would you like some bubble wrap then?
Guy: (...) I'd love some bubble wrap, actually. In fact, I'll take a flyer just to get some bubble wrap.

Overheard on the train between Glasgow and London.
Very Scottish man: Burrt.
Very English woman: Bart?
Very Scottish man: Burrt.
Very English woman: Oh, Bert..!

Hört på fest. Ämnet är en utav två tjejkompisar som rådissat en kille på krogen.
Kille: Men det betyder ju att hon har mycket mera-- Vad heter det?
Tjej: Intelligens?
Kille: Nej, men nästan...
Tjej: IQ?
Kille: Mansförakt!

Hört i Tacobuffén, vid nachosen.
Mamma: (på stark stockholmska) Men du, vad bra, de har ju blöjor också!
Efter viss eftertanke når Bell slutsatsen att det är tortillabröden hon menar.

A couple of loud knocks are heard on the window below.
Guy: What are you doing?! (window opens) I've just been to [name]. He was a sleepy bastard. Don't say you're going to sleep too..! (...) You're going to shower? You look fresh! (...) Let me in. Come on, where else am I gonna go? It's raining..!
Some hustle and bustle as he climbs inside.

Girl: Alright?
Boy: Yeah, not bad.
Girl: Got a new haircut?
Boy: Yeah, got it yesterday.
Girl: Did you get one properly or did you do it yourself?
Boy: I got it properly..!

Heard at the Wolfson dinner table.
Boy: Is that the Chinaman? Yin? Yen?
Girl: Lee.

A boy, around 4 years old, and his mother, on the bus.
Boy: Tommy tripped me.
Mother: He tripped you? Oh, you tell tales. And what did you do to Tommy?
Boy: I punched him.
Mother: You punched him? (...) Fair enough.

Heard outside the window.
Boy: Oh, [name]. You're a disgrace. Even for a woman.

Hört inne på Bokia.
Tant: Är de här pusslena kul?
Säljare: Ja, de är jättekul!
Tant: Hur kul då?
Säljare: På en skala menar du?
Tant: (hetskt) Har du lagt dem själv eller?!

Inne på Hemmakväll står två barn, c:a 8 och 10 år, med varsin energidryck.
Barn: Men vi får inte dricka sånt här för mamma!
Förmodligen deras äldre bror: Men säg inget till mamma då!

Hört inne på Bio Capitol en seg sommardag.
Sommarjobbare: Näe, vad ska man göra idag?
Annan sommarjobbare: (...) Äta skorpor?

Inne på Statoil. En tyst tjurande yngre man har precis slängt upp sina varor på disken.
Kassörskan: Det blir tjugofem. Så går det jättebra att ge mig pengarna på ett trevligt sätt tack!

Ordväxling mellan en kvinna på väg åt ett håll och en ung man på väg åt det andra.
Den unga mannen: Tjänare fröken, hur är läget?
Kvinnan: Jag har inte tid!